Attachment Theory and The Mother Wound

Welcome back to the Wake the F*** Up Podcast. In honor of Mother’s Day (U.S.) this Sunday, May 12, Alix and David sit down to discuss some psychological and philosophical topics around mothering, including the mother wound, attachment theory and styles, and how we become the people that we are in life, through the lens of our mothers or mother figures.

The duo kicks things off by discussing how challenging parenting can be, the concept of the “mother wound” and attachment styles. [Note: If you haven’t heard of attachment styles or haven’t learned what yours is, we have a ton of resources available at the bottom of the show notes.]

From there, the conversation delves into attachment theory, highlighting the impact of early interactions on behaviors and connections with others. As Alix explains, “the mother wound” is a term for the result of things done consciously or unconsciously that result in pain, trauma and unresolved emotions inherited from our maternal lineage. Alix highlights how attachment issues can sometimes be a result of the mother wound. 

Shifting gears, Alix and David start to talk about self-awareness and communication in relationships, particularly for people with a fearful avoidant attachment style. They also share some personal anecdotes to illustrate how past experiences affect current relationships. A topic we come back to often here on the Wake podcast is the importance of creating safe spaces for healing emotional wounds and seeking support that you need.

Stick around for the end of the episode when Alix and David talk about the importance of self-care, especially when it comes to post-natal well-being. A key takeaway here is that a mother’s mental health can have long-lasting effects on her children, as well as future generations. We know our listeners will enjoy this informative and insightful conversation!

Lastly, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who listen to our podcast. We honor your passion, effort and the work you’re doing to be the best mom you can be.

Resources:

  • More on the Mother Wound: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201910/the-mother-wound

  • Books:

    • “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

    • “Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships” by Diane Poole Heller

    • “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk

    • “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Jonice Webb

  • Online Courses and Workshops:

    • The Mindsight Institute (www.mindsightinstitute.com): Offers online courses, workshops, and resources on mindfulness, neuroscience, and interpersonal relationships, led by Dr. Dan Siegel and other experts.

    • The Gottman Institute (www.gottman.com): Provides online courses and workshops on strengthening relationships, including resources on attachment theory and couples therapy, based on the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman.

  • Therapeutic Modalities:

    • Somatic Experiencing Therapy: A body-centered approach to trauma resolution and healing, focusing on releasing stored trauma and restoring balance to the nervous system.

    • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): A couples therapy approach that helps partners develop secure attachments and strengthen emotional bonds through guided conversations and experiential exercises.

Mental health resources:

  • Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor 24/7 https://www.crisistextline.org/

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